If the thought of mingling in social settings makes you break into a sweat, cling to your couch, and lock the doors, you’re definitely not alone. Social anxiety can feel heavy and distressing, making even the most mundane interactions unbearable. 

The root cause of your social anxiety might seem obvious—like the moment you fumbled your words during a school presentation, or the time your ex humiliated you at a family event—but that’s not always the full story.

If you’ve been through rounds of talk therapy, hypnosis, or even resorted to meds and still feel no relief, it’s time to take a look at your nervous system. Keep reading to discover how to overcome social anxiety by regulating your nervous system, our top tips for dealing with social situations, and how to reintroduce healthy connections.

What is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety isn’t just about feeling shy or uneasy around people. It’s a deep, sometimes paralyzing fear of being judged or watched by others.[*] This kind of anxiety can get so intense that it messes with your everyday life, from how you handle relationships to just going about your day. You might find yourself dodging social situations completely or feeling major stress if you have to be around people.

Social anxiety may come from a fear you are aware of – like looking foolish, being embarrassed, or getting negative feedback. Or it may come from a conditioned trauma response that just creates a general feeling of unsafety around other people without you even knowing why.

Either way, this constant worry can keep you from living your life to the fullest.

Social Anxiety vs. Social Phobia

The terms social anxiety and social phobia are often used interchangeably, but they are slightly different.[*]

• Social Anxiety: This is when you feel nervous or uncomfortable in social situations. You might worry about being judged or making a mistake, but it doesn’t always mess up your daily life. You may dread that presentation at work – but you get up and do it – irrespective of how much you’re sweating.
• Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder): This is a stronger, more intense version of social anxiety. It’s where the fear of social interactions gets so severe that it really disrupts your life. If you have social phobia, you might avoid social activities entirely and find it hard to get through everyday situations.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

With social anxiety, you may enter into social situations – but feel uncomfortable doing it. Social anxiety can show up in a bunch of different ways, both physically and emotionally:

Physical Symptoms:

• Sweating: You might get a sweat on, even if it’s not hot.
• Rapid Heartbeat: Your heart might race like you’re about to have a panic attack.
• Trembling or Shaking: You could find yourself shaking subtly or uncontrollably.
• Nausea: Anxiety can make your stomach feel queasy.
• Dry Mouth: You might feel like you can’t produce enough spit.
• Muscle Tension: Your muscles, especially around your neck and shoulders, might feel tight.
• Shortness of Breath: You might struggle to catch your breath or feel like you can’t breathe deeply.
• Dizziness: You could feel light-headed or unsteady, which can make the anxiety even worse.

Emotional Symptoms:

• Fear of Embarrassment: You might constantly worry about making mistakes or being judged.
• Worry About How Others See You: You could be overly concerned about what others think of you.
• Discomfort in New Social Settings: You might feel really uneasy or panicked when you’re around new people, like when you have to introduce yourself.
• Needing Reassurance: You might need constant reassurance to get through a social situation
• Low Self-Esteem: You could feel like you’re not good enough, which feeds into the anxiety.
• Preferring Familiarity: Avoiding new social activities and interactions for fear of being rejected.

Symptoms of Social Phobia

Social phobia is like social anxiety turned up to eleven. Along with the above, social anxiety disorder (social phobia) may include:

• Extreme Fear of Judgment: You might be insanely scared of being watched or judged, even when it doesn’t make much sense.
• Severe Avoidance: You could end up dodging social events entirely or, if you do go, you’re feeling extreme stress the whole time.
• Big-Time Distress: The anxiety isn’t just uncomfortable; it seriously messes with your everyday life.
• Long-Lasting: These feelings don’t just pop up now and then—they stick around most of the time really impacting how you live your life.
• Feeling Isolated: Avoiding social activities might leave you feeling lonely or disconnected.

Causes of Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can develop from a combination of factors:[*]

• Childhood Trauma: Negative experiences early in life, like neglect or abuse, can set the stage for social anxiety.
• Insecure Attachment: If your early relationships with caregivers were unstable or anxious, it might affect your social confidence later on.
• Genetics: If anxiety runs in your family, you might be more prone to developing social anxiety.
• Bullying: Social anxiety caused by bullying can lead to long-lasting fears and knock your self-esteem.
• Parental Influence: Overprotective or overly critical parents can impact your self-confidence and contribute to social anxiety.
• Social Conditioning: Stressful social experiences, such as public speaking failures or feeling rejected, can add to your anxiety.

These factors can also lead to a dysregulated nervous system and an impaired limbic system. When you’re exposed to stress for a long time, your body’s stress response can become overly sensitive. It’s like there’s a faulty alarm and it’s going off all the time. This means that situations that should be neutral or even enjoyable – like going for dinner with friends – can trigger a strong anxiety response.[*]

For some, the anxiety fades quickly once the ‘danger’ is gone, but for others, it might hang around for days after the event.

Can Regulating Your Nervous System Help?

Definitely. Getting your nervous system in check can make a big difference when it comes to managing social anxiety and phobias. The goal is to help your body find its resilience again and calm down that constant stress response.

So, what’s nervous system regulation all about?

It’s basically about finding a balance between your body’s “fight-or-flight” system (which kicks in when you’re stressed) and the “rest-and-digest” system (which helps you relax). By practicing techniques to regulate your nervous system, you can lower your overall stress levels and handle social situations more smoothly.

Top 5 Ways to Soothe Your Social Anxiety

Here are a few of our favorite ways to start supporting yourself through social situations:

1. Daily Nervous System Care: Make it a habit to practice calming techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, meditation, and other nervous system regulation practices – even when you’re not facing a social situation. Doing this regularly can help keep your stress levels in check and make it easier to handle anxiety when it pops up.
2. Dress for the Occasion: If you have a dysregulated nervous system, or any level of social trauma,you need to make your body feel safe as well as your mind. You may or may not be aware of certain sensory sensitivities, such as the feel of certain fabrics, or the tightness of a waistband. Wear loose, comfortable, breathable clothing in fabrics that feel good to touch. Those millennial skinny jeans and corset tops are not a win for social sitch’s if you’re anxious.
3. Build a Feel-Good Kit: Put together a kit with things that help you feel grounded and secure. This could be soothing items like a favorite texture, calming scents, or visuals that make you feel good. Having these on hand during social events can give you a sense of safety and calm. Keep them in your bag, hand, or tucked into your bra.
4. Talk it Out: A problem shared is a problem halved, right? Sharing your anxiety with a trusted friend can really help. Just talking about how you’re feeling can lighten the load and give you some emotional support. Having someone you trust, especially if they’re at the event, can make a big difference.
5. Try Wearables: There are some amazing devices out there that can soothe your nervous system in the moment. They are subtle, non-invasive, and nobody even needs to know you are using them. They range from devices like the Apollo Neuro, which uses gentle vibrations to help you stay calm, to gorgeous necklaces that help you breathe – like the Komuso. Top tip: blend tips 2 and 5 to create a comfy outfit combined with a Komuso. Stylish and socially confident for the win!

Am I Just a Social Introvert?

It’s important to know the difference between social introversion and social anxiety. Social introversion is a personality trait where you naturally prefer quieter settings and hanging out with a few close friends. Big crowds or super stimulating environments can be draining, and you might need some alone time to recharge.

For sensitive folks, being an introvert can be totally normal and healthy. While social anxiety and social phobias involve serious discomfort and fear, social introversion is more about your preference for certain kinds of social interactions.

If you’re dealing with both social anxiety and introversion, working on your nervous system can really help. By tackling the anxiety part, you can make your natural introversion work for you instead of holding you back. This way, you can handle social situations better and still enjoy the quieter, more personal interactions that you prefer.

Restoring Social Connection

Getting back to feeling connected with others is super important for a healthy nervous system,[*] but it’s ok to take baby steps. Take your time—getting your nervous system to a good place is a gradual process, and that’s totally fine. Start by focusing on feeling safe and comfortable with yourself. When you’re ready, reach out to people who are supportive and understanding. Let these connections build up slowly, at a pace that works for you. In time, these positive relationships will make social interactions feel easier and more enjoyable.

Dealing with social anxiety or a social phobia requires a mix of strategies that supports your mind, emotions, and body. By focusing on your nervous system and using some healthy coping techniques, you can start having more enjoyable social experiences and feel more in control and confident in your social life.